THE NAVY CHIEF

The CHIEF doesn't sleep with a night light. The CHIEF isn't afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of the CHIEF.

The CHIEF once visited The Virgin Islands. They are now called The Islands.

The CHIEF once counted to infinity . . . Twice!

Superman owns a pair of CHIEF pajamas.

The CHIEF has never paid taxes. He just sends in a blank form and includes a picture of himself.

If the CHIEF is late, then time had damn well better stop.

The CHIEF has the greatest Poker Face ever. He once won the 1982 World Series of Poker despite the fact that he held only a Joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, A Monopoly Get-Out-Of-Jail card, and a green number 4 UNO card.

The CHIEF once sold his soul to the devil in exchange for his rugged good looks and unparalleled strength. He then beat up the devil and took back his soul.

When the CHIEF was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" The CHIEF received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.

The CHIEF actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

The CHIEF clogs the toilet even when he pisses.

If the CHIEF ever calls your house, be in! The CHIEF doesn't leave messages; he leaves warnings.

When the Incredible Hulk gets angry, he transforms into the CHIEF.

Bullets dodge the CHIEF.

The CHIEF once took an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink . . Once.

The CHIEF never used a question mark in his entire life. He believes that the interrogative tense is a sign of weakness.